Stress, Adversity & Next Level Thinking.

Depending on where you are in your career, athletic program or personal development journey the concepts in this article will connect with you in different ways. Life's path can, and usually does, depend on how much push back you get from external factors. Usually when you start something new, the pushback from others (coworkers, family, relationships) is minimal. This is usually due to the fact that we haven't really accomplished much at the start. Once you start to see progress, you start pushing the boundaries of current relationships and social norms. The more the bubble is pressed the more the pushback will grow. Pushback is based on the amount of progress and speed of. The people you spend the most time with see the change daily, which makes it easier to come to grips with or understand. The individuals you see weekly, monthly or quarterly will be the ones with the loudest push back. This is because the change seems to happens "faster" when you have large time gaps in between. They do not get to see the daily actions or work put in, they just see the accumulated change over an extended period of time. This makes the change seem more drastic, therefore increasing the amount of pushback due to being uncomfortable with the social standard of their relationships with you being changed. Faster change evokes larger or more drastic pushback. 

To understand the concept of enhanced push back due to escalating social standing or economic growth we need to understand more about the nature of social structures all together. If we take a step back and look at the social structure of humans from the beginning we can understand why our brain operates like it does. The two basic portions of the brain that control our actions, reactions, emotions and fight or flight reflex are the limbic system and prefrontal cortex. For ease of use let's change the name of limbic to impulse and prefrontal cortex to smart brain. This makes this a little easier to talk about when discussing how they operate. The smart brain is in control of our rational thought processes. We rely on this portion of the brain to make logical decisions based on our previous experiences. We take in information, run it past our previous experiences, thoughts, values, and social norms and make a decision. The impulse brain is almost the exact opposite. Information is not processed the same in this portion of the brain because its sole purpose is to keep us from danger, move quickly and store energy to "escape" potential pain or danger. Because these portions of the brain have been developed over thousands and thousands of years of defending us from danger they are extremely powerful. If you drop a book in a quiet classroom your impulse brain is the motor behind everyone's reaction. Jumping, looking in the direction of the noise and, if they were sleeping, become wide awake, alert and ready to make a move if necessary. We are not able to, nor would we want to, remove this system from our brain. No matter how tame our environment is, we need to be conscious of potential danger. These two systems are what create social standards for our personal and professional relationships. If the social standard is pressed or if someone does something outside of the standard it is met with apprehension, frustration, fear and anxiety. The structure itself has built a safe haven for those inside of it. This is why there is a lag in understanding basic human interaction when you visit other countries. We are trying to get up to speed with the new norm we are in.

Now we are looking at the interaction between you developing yourself personally and professionally and the push back from those around you. The push back is because, very plainly speaking, you have pressed the edge of the social norm for the group you are currently in. Push back is the reaction of fear, anxiety, frustration, or jealousy of those who are deeply entrenched in the current social norm. For an example, think about an office full of 100 people. Their primary job is to call on customers and help them work through issues on their office computer system. They take hundreds of calls each throughout the day, all dealing with the same general concerns and issues. One day, one of the employees decides she is going to introduce an automated service for answering basic questions that she built in her free time. This automated service would allow her more time to focus on higher level problems, be open to help her coworkers, and possibly leave early. Let's say this plays out exactly like she wants, her supervisor is ecstatic and her service calls doubled yet she worked less. The issue we are going to be presented with isnt the actual physical process of doing the job or enhancing the process to work smarter and faster. The issue is going to be the backlash of the group. The other 99 people now have to watch someone, in the same group, dealing with the same issues each day, dominate their productivity, establish a better relation765tuyfghfvjhship with the boss, work on higher level more interesting issues and potentially leave earlier than they do. Interestingly enough I bet everyone reading this understands this will 100% be met with each emotion, fear, anxiety, frustration and jealousy day one. At one time she was part of the group. Now she is "outside" of the group due to the fact that she has pressed herself outside the social norm. She has done absolutely nothing wrong, however she will be treated like she has. Undoubtedly multiple people will say they had the same idea, that she possibly stole the idea from them or that she doesn't deserve the promotion because someone else deserves it more. This is just an example to explain how we, as humans, look at progress differently. Nothing that shuffles the social norm is going to be met, across the board, with open arms. This is the new age version of impulse brain take over. The impulse brain sees someone that is making drastic changes to the system as a threat. We are built, through thousands of years of attempting to stay alive, to scan our environment and keep us out of danger. The news is perceived as dangerous.

Once we understand this we can see how our progress and personal development is going to fly in the face of those we are close to, associate with and interact with on a daily basis. This makes little to no sense when we look at it through the lens of reality. Our development should help increase the development of those we love and interact with. We should be able to see the progress of those around us as an example of what is possible. We can use the progress of others as a guide to help us follow suit, to develop our own personal well being. However, we need to pay homage to the fact that this system we are living in and is there to help us is extremely powerful. Without being very intentional with our mindset, actions and communication we will get lost in this impulse brain. It is there to keep us safe, the issue is "safe" is subjective to our emotional awareness. If we are not knowledgeable about our emotions, know how to label them and communicate to others and ourselves about them, we are going to be ruled by them. This is where we end up as one of the 99, angry about the progress of the 1.

Think about your current friend group. Think about all of the social structures that you built your relationships around. Now think about what would happen if you won the lottery. 25 million dollars straight to your bank account. Boom, you are instantly a millionaire because you guessed the right set of numbers on a scratch off ticket. How would this affect your relationships with your current friend group? I am here to tell you no matter what, it would be different. There would, without a doubt be some frustrations with the group. Thinking that you are just lucky and that it's unfair that you got it and they didn't because of xyz will come up quickly. This is because of the impulse brain activity protecting us from our social bubble bursting. They are now presented with a scenario that is way outside of the norm. Each individual is going to work through the change individually, working through how to be "normal" around each other with such a missive instantaneous change is not going to be easy, nor will it allow the normal existence to continue. Once the lottery was won, the dynamic changed forever.

Now that we understand the brain's processes we can understand why it is vital for us to be aware of how we give and receive information in our social groups. Stress comes from the inability or refusal to accept reality as it is. The stress level of the group of 99 workers is much higher now that the 1 is changing the game. The stress in the group of friends is now changed due to the millions of dollars injected into one of their bank accounts. Stress in some forms is a good thing, lifting weights, running, hiking or taking a class to learn a new subject are all good stressors. Stress from trying to control a situation that is in all regards out of your control is not only extremely detrimental, it is hazardous to your mental and physical health. We are very fortunate in today's day and age to not have to worry about diseases as they once were, plagues upon the masses. We however, are plagued by a different issue. Consistent and aggressive stress. We are constantly playing this game of comparison whether it is on social media, in the workplace or even sometimes, at home. This constant comparison leads to lies and manipulation of our current circumstances in order to, at a minimum, be a player in the game. We look at those around us, conform to their standards and attempt to make our life mirror the ones we are impressed with, hoping at the end of the day, to impress them. This is a never ending cycle of failure upon failure, one win equals ten losses. We will never be able to keep up with everyone. There will always be someone stronger, faster, better looking or smarter. Because of our learned patterns of self protection we aren't willing to sacrifice bursting the bubble and leaving the social norm, even when it costs us dearly. The inability to leave the social norm only slows our personal and professional progress. The stress level then becomes larger and larger the more we play this game. I worked with a young guy a while back in the banking industry. Our offices were right next to each other and we talked a lot, sometimes several hours a day. One day my friend came into my office, sat down and began to explain to me how he was in mountains of debt, hated his life and felt trapped. Now if you judged a book by its cover this guy was killing it, by social standards he was several steps ahead of everyone in the office. He had three cars, one for his wife, one for him and one for "fun". He had an awesome house, great kids and a booming social life. However, because he felt like he was just doing and buying to constantly impress people he was burnt out. He made decisions based on the norms of the crowd he was in and not based on what he wanted. How many people do you know that are just basically along for the ride in life? They cross the t's and dot the i's when necessary and always color inside the lines. They parrot the opinions of the norms of their social group and if you see them out with their friends it's just little repeats of the same person. Same clothes, style, build, likes and dislikes. This is without a doubt the most impressive example of the impulse brain protecting us against the unknown. We are around the people and things that we understand and predict. We surround ourselves with ourselves. This is, according to our limbic system, safety.

Adversity is considered misfortune, or struggle. Let's take the same friend group and instead of winning the lottery have both of the adults lose their jobs, go through a tragic health issue and lose most of their wealth. They have to sell their house, downsize to an apartment across town, kids have to switch schools and all the other changes that come with a loss like this. How would that friend group change? Having experienced this first hand there are a few ways it can, and usually does play out. We are, like we discussed earlier, very comfortable in our group settings with those that are very similar in demographic, social economic ranges and likes/dislikes. So the stimulus of such a drastic change evokes a few different emotions. Fear of the change happening to the entire group, failure at such a large level could bring "bad vibes" to the group, potentially cursing the others. Individuals in this friend group who are scared of the same thing happening to them will quickly make a way to remove themselves from their old friends life. There will also be an intense investigation of the person's personal decisions that could have led to this and they will attempt to make sense of the change resulting in blaming the individual it happened to. It removes the "it might happen to me" scenario. This will make the friend feel safe because they will avoid the same missteps. The other possible situation is that the entire friend group will see them as a sad case and do what they can to help them climb back up the ladder. This is the best case scenario. If we look at this through the lens of how our brain and body initially react we can see how easy it would be to fracture the friendship out of a fear of possible contraction of the issue that caused it. It is a fear based reaction totally based on the limbic system seeing potential pain or problems. We are not going to be able to avoid feeling scared of what is different, we are also not going to be able to stop all fear associated with drastic change to our social groups. This friend group is a great example of how people deal with loss, change or dramatic issues. Limbic system responses are not just for avoiding the dragon outside the cave, it is for any potential danger we might face. We are not going to be able to shut it off, however we can train our body and mind to be able to listen to our feelings more, understand our own internal processes and make decisions based on facts not emotions.

Next level thinking is my favorite part of this entire process. We can, through acquired knowledge, self introspection and being honest with ourselves, make sure we are safe, while avoiding shutting those out of our lives that might go through struggles. Their struggles are not our reality. Their lives are not our lives. Issues and struggles are just lessons learned by someone else that we can utilize in our own life. If we start to view others' failures, successes and processes as examples of lessons, we can access so much more knowledge that allows us to see issues way in advance. The more we understand about the potential possibilities we could face the more we can arm ourselves against the ones that could harm us, as well as not waste valuable time and energy on the things that look like issues but aren't. The more we know the more power we have to understand our world around us. This is one of the most important reasons to expand our environments. If all we know is individuals like us, careers like ours and relationships that mirror ours, our ability to handle stressors or stimulus outside of that safety "bubble" will be severely limited. This comes back to the most impactful and inspirational saying that I have ever heard.

"No one is coming to save you, it's like you have to save yourself."

We are powerful beyond measure, we are capable beyond anything we could imagine. The only way we are going to realize our power and capability is to train our minds and bodies to be the observer of our emotions, not the feeler. We have to take control of the emotional reactions, the fear tangled with anxiety, the excitement coiled up with the notion that it could all soon disappear. We are in control of the outcome either way. We manifest our outcomes based on our thoughts. If we dwell on the possibility of failure we manifest failure. If we focus on the future as endless possabilities then we will see options instead of roadblocks. Our power is far beyond our comprehension and our intention and focus is the fuel behind what plays out. I am not saying that we control every single outcome, because we are not the only person on this planet. I am saying that we are capable of producing far greater outcomes than we give ourselves credit for. We are not living anyone else’s lives but our own. We don't have to spend valuable time and energy on others' opinions, thoughts or actions. We can only control our reaction to them. If we focus our intention on the good we can clearly see it when presented with different situations, if we focus on the negative it to, will be very easy to see. So why not change that focus to something that will benefit you? Why not change the focus to the good around you, in you and what is waiting for you? You have the power and the capability of owning your life 100%. I want to explain to you how I landed on this notion of our infinite power as humans.

The world I understood was built around standardized religion, rules and regulations and above all guilt. Guilt for being human, guilt for being this inconceivably evil sinner who deserved to have the creator of all look at me and say "depart from me sinner, I never knew you!". This was the game, the game of fear and control. The world I understood was one of fear and self doubt. I don't want to get too deep into religion but to understand where I'm coming from I need you to see what kind of energy we were putting into the world. We were putting fear, anger, frustration, doubt and guilt into the world. We were so focused on how awful we were and undeserving of joy that it was totally understandable how we ended up with little to no joy! We were telling the universe and the energy levels in it that we are not worth anything good, in fact that if we received anything good it wasn't due to anything we did it was a blessing from a being that deemed it worthy by their individual decision. We removed our own individual actions and emotions, we removed our ability to do anything to change or manipulate the world both short and long term. The biggest misstep in this theory is that we are not in control of the energy we put out and that the energy is not from us but from something else. Therefore we are not worthy of it in the first place. I spent years living in this guilt, years struggling back and forth about who and what I believed in. This is when I started to research energy levels. It made sense to me that through my guilt and shame I was projecting energy of that same nature. How can I expect to receive joy when my energy level is the opposite? How could I expect to prosper when I told myself prosperity is out of my control? Once I started down this road it became very clear that the roadblock in my way was me. I was the one putting myself in an unworthy position. I kept myself from growth because I was telling myself and the world that I didn't deserve it. I started to see how our internal talk tracks affected our energy levels. Once I started to tell myself that it was ok to be successful, it was ok to be good at things and be passionate about life, things started to turn around. This has taken years for me to work through the insecurities that this early developed mindset built. I would be presented with new situations, relationships and information that pushed me to understand myself better. I had to learn as I went, I had to learn how to remove habits that didn't seem detrimental at the time but in order to proceed to the next level of development I had to remove them from my life, completely. Once we learn that we are in control of our lives we can then remove the shackles of negative emotions. Once we understand that negative emotions are not in control we can start the process of unpacking the negative patterns they created. This process lasts until we leave this planet. Emotions are powerful but our mind and body are more so. We can, if we really truly want to, control the emotional whiplash of feelings portraying themselves as facts. This is a multiple step process, individualized to each one of us. However, the first few steps are universal. First we have to learn to label our emotions. Once we label them we can then dig into the triggers or catalysts behind those labeled emotions. Journaling and working with a therapist help align our emotions to help us see the path created by them. I believe wholeheartedly that asking for help is the bravest thing you can do. Unpacking this is going to be heavy and without help of someone trained to do so it can be overwhelming. I suggest non religious based therapy if you are in need of professional guidance. At the end of the day we are in control of where we are going, this doesn't mean we don't need help to get there.

We live in a wild world. Change and frustration are a daily occurance. We all understand pain and hardship, in today's world I feel like it is more common than ever to be depressed and lonely. Remember, no one is going to come save you, you have to save yourself. This is freeing and empowering. If it is up to you, it means you are in control of it. Be open to opinions and help, surround yourself with those who truly want the best for you, not because your growth serves their agenda. I know you have the power to do phenomenal things. I am excited to see it happen.