Lessons from a gym rat.

When I lived in Shreveport Louisiana I started going to a local YMCA. At that time I was a freshman and to young to enter the weight room. The weight room was in its own building outside of the main gym and for some reason, probably because I was told I was not allowed to, all I could think about was getting in that space. I wanted to be in the "big gym".

I read Arnolds encyclopedia to bodybuilding, I did push ups and pull ups in my bedroom while watching Rocky 4 daily. I wanted to the opportunity to train like my hero's.

After making friends with a employee at the gym I made it into the free weight room. I remember it like it was yesterday. Everything was brown, old and rusty, the plates clinked together when you loaded them on the bars and the smell was deep with sweat and energy. I was totally hooked. All I could think about was training like the greats, benching 1000lbs and standing on stage as a professional bodybuilder. I started my weight lifting career totally unhinged, no goal for the day, no process to follow, no plan. All I knew was I wanted to move weight. I did this for months, locked in and paying zero attention to those around me. I was totally focused on developing myself to compete. After a few months I noticed others looking at me while I was lifting, some said hi, most just stared at me and mumbled and moved on. I just assumed they were fans of my pure adrenaline fueled workouts. t made total sense to me to have fans at this point, which cracks me up to think about how insane this idea actually was. This is important to the story because we tend to assume we are living in a bubble, that those around us are as focused and intent on our achievement as we are. We fail to remember that others operate independent of us, with their own goals and challenges. At the end of the day I was young and naive which is a dangerous combo.

This all lead to me learning the best lesson I have ever been taught. It has stuck with me, the feeling, the frustration and the embarrassment of it all.

One day at the gym I was deep into my fifteenth set of bench press, which happened daily because that’s all I knew how to do, when a guy walked up to me. I was out of breath and assumed he was there to tell me what a great job I had been doing for the last hour and a half. I remember this guy to a T, the red bandana wrapped around his bald head, his cut off crew neck sweatshirt and his black worn out combat boots. He leaned in to me, I smiled expecting a complement and he put his finger on my chest and said "Hey man, you have been here forever, your looking around at everyone, taking forever between sets and clogging up the bench for way to long". I was stunned, He then went on to say these words. "No one cares about you, no one loves you, no one gives a shit about your goals." was blown away. Totally taken back by this guy and his words. I just stood there, my eyes tearing up and my body frozen. He just laughed and told me to get the hell off the bench so others can work in. I turned around, stripped the bar down and left. On the way home I didn't say anything. I just road, with my mom, to the house. I walked to my room, shut the door and sat there on my bed replaying the words this guy said to me.

"No one cares about you, no one loves you, no one gives a shit about your goals."

This.... what do I do with this? No one loves me? My parents do, my dogs do, my siblings do.... why would he say that? No one cares about my goals? What about all my buddies or my family I constantly talk about my goals to? Do they really not care? I contemplated this for days. I went back and forth between anger and embarrassment. It was the first time someone spoke that clearly and openly to me. I ended up with two options. Either I was going to let this destroy me, beat me down and never go back to the weight room or I was going to dig into the words this guy used and get something out of it. I was going to use it to grow.

I decided that growth was my only option. I wanted to maintain my progress and keep pushing myself. I didn’t want to let my hero’s down and I sure as hell didn’t want to be a coward and drop out because I took a tongue lashing from someone. I saw how focused I was on myself, how I took no guidance and help from others and how I assumed everyone was on my side. How I assumed they were all cheering me on as I battled through. I learned that day, my life was not a movie. I was not the main character winning no matter what. I learned that no one can care, because everyone else is to busy chasing their own dream, beating down their own dragon, living their own movie. The more I thought about these words the more I realized I am in control of me and only me. I needed to realize that no one out there was going to save me. No one out there is going to show up, pat me on the back and tell me things are ok. If I wanted this, if I wanted to be the best, if I wanted to be like my hero's I was the only one that was going to be able to do that. I am not saying we are self made individuals, we all rely on others daily. However, the amount of things we are in control of is staggering. We need to be in control of those as much as possible because no one is going to save us from ourselves.

No one is going to work out for you, eat for you, sleep well or plan workouts for you. You are in total control of your success and your failure.